Have you ever wondered how all those low-budget film producers create those compelling listings?  Well, now you can too.  Just pick the option from each list that suits your project best and you're well on your way to having the best volunteer crew money can buy.  ;-)

 

I HAVE A;

a) wonderful b) fantastic c) incredible d) amazing

a) networking b) creative c) artistically fulfilling d) back-breaking

OPPORTUNITY!

THIS;

a) budget challenged b) low budget c) no budget d) freebie e) death defying

a) short film b) spec spot c) piece for my reel d) trailer for my feature e) self-indulgence

IS AN;

a) unbelievable
b) once in a lifetime
c) unusual
d) not uncommon

OPPORTUNITY TO WORK WITH A;
 

a) awarding winning b) big time agency c) soon to be A-list d) professional e) fellow wannabe

a) director. b) cinematographer. c) art director. d) producer. e) grip. f) writer.

WE WILL BE SHOOTING;

a) 16-20 hour days.
b) Saturday and Sunday.
c) on your birthday.
d) until it's done.
e) forever.

THE CHANCE TO WORK ON THIS;
a) groundbreaking
b) never before seen
c) unique
d) visionary
e) largely derivative

CREATIVE MATERIAL IS REWARD ENOUGH, BUT WE WILL ALSO;

PROVIDE YOU WITH;
a) gas money.
b) cold sandwiches.
c) hot coffee.
d) cold coffee.
e) a pat on the back.
f) an empty promise for future work.
g) the satisfaction of a job somewhat well done given the constraining circumstances of a free crew, a night shoot, not enough lights, DV video, lame talent and no budget.

WE ARE SHOOTING THIS WEEKEND AND THE;

FOLLOWING POSITIONS OF (choose all that apply);
a) line producer
b) 1st AD
c) 2nd AD
d) AC
e) gaffer
f) key grip
g) best boy
h) script supervision
i) sound mixer & boom op
j) animal wrangler
k) makeup/hair
l) fluffer

ARE AVAILABLE.

THE POSITIONS OF (choose all that apply);
a) executive producer
b) producer
c) director
d) cinematographer
e) camera operator
f) lead actor

ARE ALREADY FILLED BY (choose all that apply);

a) me.
b) my roommate.
c) my boss.
d) the person who holds my indentured servitude.

PLEASE RESPOND DIRECTLY TO;

a) my hotmail account
b) my yahoo account
c) my roommate's answering machine
d) anything but my work email address

BECAUSE;

a) the agency
b) the production company
c) the post house
d) my dad

DOESN'T KNOW THAT I'M;

a) building a reel so I can quit.
b) starting a competing company.
c) secretly using all of their gear.
d) still pursuing this hair-brained scheme.

I AM ALSO LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO DONATE;

a) film processing and transfer on a Spirit.
b) an uncompressed HD editing bay.
c) the use of an entire facility in Manhattan for a week.
d) duplication for my reel.
e) original music and a surround mix.
f) doughnuts for the 4:00 am call on Sunday.

AFTER THIS PROJECT IS FINISHED, EVERYONE WILL GET;

a) a copy of my reel.
b) notice of cable access air times.
c) to pay admission to the short film festival.
d) a phone call for my next freebie project.

THANKS FOR READING. SEE YOU AT THE SHOOT!!

anonymous from the Web.  If this is your creation, email me!